I have been debating for a while now whether adult friendships are actually hard, or if it’s that “life” moves on, and we blame the busy schedules and changing priorities.
It is common to hear people say that it is harder to maintain friendships or make new friends as an adult. I can understand that when we were kids, it was easier to make and often maintain friendships because of forced proximity. Just think: you see your classmates every weekday for 9.5 months; you will be placed in groups that often require interaction, and eventually you find another kid or a group that you can have fun with and look forward to seeing. This is applicable in college; again, forced proximity helps. Now there are clubs to join or new people in your major, so shared interests create new bonds. Or maybe you got lucky and had great roommate (s) that became good friends. The familiarity of routine and knowing that you will easily see and communicate with those said person(s) makes it all the easier.
This is my opinion, and it is okay if you disagree, but I think fundamentally it is not hard to make or maintain friends as an adult. I believe what makes it hard is that as we become preoccupied with life, work, and family, we no longer make time for new or old friends. This is not to say this is the case for everyone; you might be the exception.
Just like any relationship, there are key factors to make it work, such as consistent communication and intentional time together. It was not until I was in college and even later in the work force that I had true, consistent friendships, and now some of these friendships are still going 10 years later. I have also found that, even now, through my social media, I have been privileged to attend wonderful events that have led to new, real friendships that have survived beyond just the event space. The how is simple.
- Communication is key – Communication is everything, and it includes creating and nurturing friendships. You may not talk to your friends every day, but having a chat once in a while or texting regularly helps to keep the connection alive.
- Create quality connections – this goes hand in hand with communication. To have someone with whom you can be vulnerable is what allows us to have emotional connections with our friends. Without connection, they are mere acquaintances.
- Plan intentional time to meet – One tradition I have with my friend group is that we plan to meet for dinner once a month, and at times we already have it booked on our calendars 2-3 months in advance. It gives us something to look forward to, and we know that we are consistent. We are all at different stages in our lives, so it makes it that much more fun when we get together for a girls’ night out.
- Be open to trying something new – this might be joining a yoga studio, joining a local sports center, or going to local events. There are new ways to meet people all the time and sometimes unexpectedly.
The truth is, life is better when we have people around us that we can trust, connect with, and share time with, even more so when life is busy and work is hard. I cherish the moments I have with my friends and even enjoy meeting someone new who shares my interests.
What do you think?